Are you a person who always keeps falling in love? Are you a person who has a large emotional hole to fill? Are you unusually clingy in relationships? Are you never satisfied by what your partner does for you? Do you constantly seek attention and validation from the world?
If the answer to even some of these questions is yes, you are likely to have have an anxious attachment style. Not sure what an attachment style is? Click here.
This may come off as a silly little thing but, believe it or not, your Attachment style defines your personal and social relationships. Here’s how you can break free from an anxious attachment style.
1) Avoid taking things personally
A slightest change in the behavior of our close ones can sometimes hurt us pretty bad. We start analyzing where we must have went wrong and what may have upset them. We hesitate to inquire and form an assumption. This energy-draining habit slowly starts becoming our first nature and lowers our self-esteem.
Sometimes we jump into conclusions without giving even a second thought. We think that we are reflecting, when in reality we are just overthinking. We need to learn to differentiate between the two and let go of things. Holding on to a situation would not turn it around.
Focus on doing things that make you feel happy and content. Fill up your calendar with things that you enjoy. Whatever you do, avoid indulging yourself in too much of free-time because, as they say, an idle brain is the devil’s workshop.
2) Learn to speak your mind: Do not play games in relationships
Mind games always backfire. It may seem like a fun thing to do, but it drives the right people away. Why, you ask? Because it can be super frustrating and stressful for both of you. One would be frustrated of not receiving enough validation and the other would be frustrated by giving you everything in vain.
(Mind games are when you give the other person silent treatment, try to make them jealous, pretend not to worry about where the relationship is heading, playing hard to get etc. Read More about Mind games, here.)
This habit tends to complicate things and, I hope you’ll agree, relationships aren’t meant to be rocket-science.
But, observing carefully, it should make them want you more, right?
As the days pass, It would make them more and more uncertain about you. Your mind-games-playing habits would convince them that you are too insecure and not ready for a healthy relationship. This would ruin your self-esteem in long-run.
3) Acceptance: Accept yourself and people around you before trying to heal
It doesn’t matter how rough your life is at the moment, to improve your life, you need to accept yourself.
The self-acceptance that I am talking of is about embracing all those embarrassing moments, regrets, emotions and most importantly your present. Your present situation may suck but don’t you think that working on the present problems would simplify things in the future?
It doesn’t matter who talks behind your back. At the end of the day, only you have been in your shoes. Only you know your true story. Understand your value and give yourself the respect you have been giving to those who don’t deserve it.
Of course, you can’t just suddenly accept your perfections and flaws. You’ll break down many times but trust me, the journey will be worth it. Whenever you feel that you are worthless, start listing out all your positives and all your accomplishment. Even if that means overcoming heartbreaks and betrays.
We can become very critical of ourselves sometimes. Don’t. It’s a self-sabotaging habit.
Always be compassionate with yourself.
4) Love yourself equally in a relationship
As soon as we find ourselves falling for someone, we are tempted to sweeten ourselves for their taste. In simpler words, we try to impress them by doing activities that they find attractive or impressive.
(Read more about this topic, here)
If you don’t love and respect yourself as much as you love and respect your partner then your relationship is likely to turn into a toxic one. You’ll be depended on the other person for happiness and you’ll become more and more insecure as the days pass. You’ll develop an emotional hole which will grow with time and can never be filled by anyone in the world, except you.
No matter how much validation and affection your partner gives you, it will never be enough for you. This will be frustrating for both of you because as I said earlier – One would be frustrated of not receiving enough validation and the other would be frustrated by giving you everything in vain.
I believe that relationships are all about complementing (not completing) each other. It’s about helping them overcome their weakness; It’s about growing together in a relationship. It should never be about one person constantly babysitting the other.
5) Most importantly! – Seek a good therapist
Once you accept yourself and your lifestyle, it’s time to find a good therapist. They play a significant role in helping us move forward. They assist us in analyzing our emotions, understanding the reason behind those emotions and also the ways to cope up with them.
A good therapist is the one who does more listening than talking. They should not give you the vibe that you are being judged. I’m not gonna get deeper into this but here’s a link that may help you!
Can you relate to this post? Do you have an anxious attachment Style, as well? Is there something you’d like to add to this list? Share with us in the comment section down below.