Are you aware of your Attachment Style?

Scroll down to download the free PDF Summary of this post

Unlike other mammals roaming on the face of the Earth, as soon as humans are born, they are not capable of walking or even eating on their own.

Their only source of security, nourishment and affection is their Caregiver, their primary guardian. For these infants, Separation from their caregiver is nearly equal to death!

So, when you try to separate these mini-humans from their caregiver, they deploy every possible weapons. The most dangerous ones being – Crying and biting.

Surprisingly, It is at this helpless stage of our life that we form our attachments style.

The way we attach ourselves with other people; The way we behave in a relationship; The way we respond to things, it is all influenced by our early experiences with our caregivers.

But, but, but, before you start blaming your parents for your chaotic romantic and social life, don’t forget that you were still breathing between the period of infancy and teenage. So, There are many other things that contributed to the person you are today.

Well, then why are we even discussing this?!

Because for most of us, the environment that we are brought up in, remains same through out our childhood and teenage. Only quite few people manage to overcome their insecurities and take control of their lives.


Our attachment style is formed between the age of 6 months and 2 years. As our attachment style highly influences our personal and social relationships.

It’s important that we analyse and reflect upon the way we connect with others. Because at the end of the day, Self-awareness and reflections help us grow.

Secure attachment style

Qualities of Secure Attachment Style

People who develop secure attachment style pertain a positive view towards the world.

Oh, you mean the perfect non-existing homo-sapiens?

No. I mean, they obviously have their bad days, and get disheartened by tragedies but that doesn’t let them get easily depressed or anxious.

In the long-run they trust their partner and have confidence in them. They are not scared to reach out for help and help others. Overall, their relationship is largely based on honesty and transparency.

When is this attachment formed?

The household that raise these kinds of children have members who are secure themselves. The parents can be authoritative but Children feel quite safe and confidence in their presence.

The kids in these families do not feel threatened to explore their own world.

Anxious Attachment Style

Qualities of Anxious attachment style

The anxious ambivalent attachment style and anxious preoccupied attachment style are nearly similar.

When the anxious ambivalent attachment stage is not taken care of, it transforms to anxious preoccupied attachment, which makes the individual more and more insecure as the days pass.

Remember that friend who has an age-long saga of breaking up and forming new relationships?
Now you know their attachment style.

People who fall under this category look forward to form fantasy bond, where their partner fulfills all their emotional needs. To be precise, these individuals look for partners who would nurture them like a parent.

If they don’t achieve this goal, they tend to break up and move on to finding their ideal dream partner.

They can be so clingy and needy that it would scare of a person who has a secure attachment style. Thus, contributing even more to their insecurities.

People who have this type of attachment style are quite vulnerable to enter into relationships with over-possessive and even abusive partners.

When is this attachment formed?

This attachment style is developed when the infants are quite unsure of what the caregiver wishes. They may make the child feel special when they feel like but it doesn’t go the other way round.

The caregiver may seem quite distant at times which confuses the child. Infants cope with this confusion by often clinging and crying to manipulate the parents to meet their own needs.

This is usually seen when the parents are troubled and distracted by their own insecurities.

We can describe this by an example where the child wishes to buy a moderately expensive toy which he/she finds interesting but the parents buys the child an expensive toy which doesn’t interest the child at all.

Here the parents are placing their needs [the need to satisfy their ego] before the need of children.

Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style

Qualities of Avoidant dismissive attachment style

People with this attachment style apparently prefer living on their own. They have the ability to disconnect with people whenever they want.

They have the tendency to seek emotional distance from their partners. They are self-absorbed and overly nurturing to their own problems.

They don’t really believe in love & relationships and can easily detach from anyone.

When is this attachment formed?

This attachment style is usually seen in the household where the parents are neglectful of their children’s emotional needs. The children may have shelter to live under and food to eat but their emotional needs are often neglected.

The parents don’t address the child’s need unless it start crying and in some cases the child may be left on hours to cry .

This attachment is common among people who are brought up in a household where one or both the parents are substance abusers; where the mother has post-partum depression and where the parents are too busy with their jobs.

Avoidant-Fearful Attachment Style

Qualities of Avoidant fearful attachment style

People with this type of attachment are quite suspicious of trusting people. They are afraid of getting too close or too distant from their loved ones.

In Fact, relationships are quite a roller coaster ride for them. They are guilty of over-analyzing and getting anxious. They are so much into their thoughts that it overwhelms them and makes them emotionally unpredictable.

They may draw close to people when they feel the threat of losing them and then pull away when they get too close.

These Individuals usually feel unworthy of love and avoid growing close to people for the fear that they may get hurt.

When is this attachment formed?

This type of attachment is formed as a result of severe childhood trauma and high neglectfulness from the parents.

Individuals from this household are under constant fear of their caregivers. As these children turn into adults, they may be emotionally drawn more towards some people but back off as soon as they realize that someone’s approaching them.

Mental health is no joke. You may be seated next to a person who’s world is falling apart, and you may never know. It is important that we at least start giving recognition to mental issues; The recognition that it deserves.

Living in the 21 century, it is not wise to equate elders with God. They too are humans with insecurities of their own and they too can be abusive.

If you are suspicious of a child’s treatment then do not hesitate to contact Child line. For as Dante Alighieri said,

The darkest places in hell
are reserved for those
who maintain their neutrality
in times of moral crisis.

Do not forget to mention your attachment style in the comments below!